[MSN Spaces] Rules of Engagement

I was out at the Cactus Club with Holly last night. If you've never been to one, they go for the 'trendy' decorating style. The men's washroom is no exception. It's pretty funky, with frosted glass doors for the stalls and LCD TVs showing CBC over the urinals. (I don't know about you, but when I'm in front of a urinal, I'm concentrating on other things...) Anyway, that's all fine and dandy, but what was a little out of place was the leather chair in front of you as you enter. Leather chair? This isn't a woman's washroom. That's going to be one rarely used piece of furniture. Men generally don't go in packs like women do. We go in, do our thing, and leave. It's not a social place like it is for women. So I finish up, head back to our table, and I bring this up with Holly. She brought up an interesting question: "Maybe it's for gay men? Do gay men go to the washroom in packs?" I can't say I've ever noticed. Your thoughts?

This conversation reminded me of something I wrote awhile ago (February 16, according to the timestamp on the email) on this subject, entitled Rules of Engagement. So, as a refresher for those that have seen it, as a new article for those that haven't, and as a way to be lazy yet still productive; here is Rules of Engagement:

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There was a brief snippet of conversation last night at Swan's with Sara and Christabel, where I mentioned that there were strict Rules of Engagement when it comes to the men's washroom. Christabel seemed rather amused, as is her way, about the way I described it using military terms. (Unfortunately, I was the victim of a breach of these ROE only moments later.) That got me thinking, later that night, about how many similarities are shared between military/para-military operations and going to the washroom. As my mind *ahem* "has a mind of its own", I went along for the ride as these thoughts played out. (Mixed metaphors, anyone?) So, here I am, the next morning, writing these thoughts down from the brief notes I took. This seemed too good an idea to toss to the fickle winds of my memory before bed, so I was forced to get out from under the covers and send myself an email in order for me to write this up when I had time. Without further ado, here we go:

Theatre of Operations: Men's Washroom
- Forward Front: Urinals
- Western (possibly Eastern) Front: Sinks

Mission: Reconnaissance and deliver the ordnance at one of several designated targets.

The mission will start from home base and proceed through 7 waypoints ((1)washroom door, (2)sinks, (3)towels/dryer, (4)urinal, (5)sinks, (6)towels/dryer, (7)washroom door) before returning safely to home base.

Stage 1: As you proceed from home base, you may encounter unexpected engagements. Dealing with these are at your discretion, but be aware that your primary objective is time sensitive. As you approach waypoint 1, you must decide on your breaching technique: dynamic or stealth. A dynamic breach may involve kicking the door or simply bursting through at high speed. A stealth breach will involve slowly opening the door so as not to alert any possible tangoes. Once the door has been breached and the main theatre has been entered, proceed to Stage 2.

Stage 2: Proceed to waypoint 2 at the Western Front. There may be other combatants staged at waypoint 2. Under no circumstances should you initiate an engagement. Wait for the waypoint to clear and proceed. Once at the waypoint, prepare and clean your ordnance handlers. Chemical warfare is strongly suggested here. Once the chemicals have dissipated, mobilize to waypoint 3 (supply depot). Acquire the supplies necessary for final prep and cleaning of handlers. If the supply depot has been compromised and supplies have been damaged or stolen, emergency maneuvers must be undertaken. Either shake the handlers vigorously or use your fatigues as temporary replacements. Proceed to Stage 3.

Stage 3: Welcome to the Forward Front, men. This is the most delicate and dangerous area you will encounter. Heading into waypoint 4, you will go into complete radio silence. Breaking radio silence may be considered a War Crime or a Crime Against Humanity. First, you must select a target. Perform a quick ground reconnaissance of the area. Be aware of possible conflict and no-fly zones. Observe at all times a safe proximity from other troops. Once a target has been designated, acquire a lock and proceed directly to the target. You are responsible for only your designated target. Trust your squadmates to handle their targets. As you prepare to engage, command your ordnance handlers to arm and deploy your ordnance delivery vehicle. Weapons free. Fire at will. Remember to check your targets and always watch for Friendly Fire. When your entire ordnance loud-out has been released, disarm the delivery vehicle and return it to cover. Proceed to Stage 4.

Stage 4: Ordnance delivered. Proceed to waypoint 5 and clean the ordnance handlers with chemical agents. Continue to waypoint 6. Resupply and move out. Proceed to Stage 5.

Stage 5: Stealth is not needed, so proceed with a dynamic breach of waypoint 7. Mission success. Return to home base.

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That is all.