[MSN Spaces] "...it's just a series of consecutive flings..."

That's one way to define a relationship. I like it! There's a back story to that quote, but you won't hear it here. At least, not until my possible plans play out one way or another.

A couple quotes from a recent conversation:

"Must have been a funny sight. To[sic] sets of very good dancers doing nothing but sucking face."

"There are only two forms of guy dance. 'I look like a dumbass' and 'I look like a dumbass, but she's cute'"

Clubs and guys. We all know this is true. Why do you think most guys don't dance? Especially in a club. Alcohol helps, but then you just get a drunken dumbass on the dancefloor.

Last Friday at Swing City, I was telling Christabel about the various forms of 'guy dancing' you see at a club. Oddly enough, they all involve a bottle of beer firmly attached to his right hand (left, if he's a lefty) and held at about chest height. Here they are, with level of difficulty:

1) Slight Head Bob (Easy)

You know this one. It's the minimum amount of movement possible, and therefore common. The guy just stands there, beer in hand, slightly bobbing his head up and down, trying his gosh-darndest to look cool.

2) Side-to-Side Step (Easy)

This is another very common one. It's slightly more difficult than the Head Bob, as it involves moving the entire body (sort of). The guy stands there, beer in hand, and steps left, then right. Repeat.

As a comical side note, done quickly, this becomes the "I GOTTA PEE!" dance/shuffle.

3) All Hail the Dark Underlord (Beginner Intermediate)

This is usually only brought out for certain types of music. Heavy metal/death metal is most appropriate. Left hand is held up to approximately chin height. The hand itself is placed in an "All Hail the Dark Underlord" position, hence the name. This position involves curling the middle and ring fingers over, and then curling the thumb over those fingers. The pinky and index fingers are held up straight, so as to represent horns. The left hand is held here, while the head is moved to varying intensities. At the easiest level, the head is moved as with the Slight Head Bob dance. At the most extreme level, head-banging occurs. This dance pushes towards the boundaries of Intermediate, as two movements (or non-movements) are combined.

4) Slight Head Bob + Side-to-Side Step (Intermediate)

As the name suggests, this dance combines the first two dances into one (hopefully fluid) motion. Timing issues become apparent here. As combining two separate movements can be rather difficult, the guy may become flustered periodically and will revert to either the Slight Head Bob or the Side-to-Side Step. Once confidence has been regained, the other dance may be reintroduced.

Males who can successfully dance this for lengthy periods are not common.

5) Slight Head Bob + Side-to-Side Step + All Hail the Dark Underlord (Advanced)

As the name suggests, this combines the first three dances into one complicated spectacle. Not to be attempted by the inexperienced, as injuries may ensue; the most common of which is to the ego.

Males who can successfully dance this are very rare and generally command a large harem. These males must also be cautious, as many of the lesser skilled males (some larger and therefore dangerous) may become jealous.

6) The Shield (Advanced) - Identified by Chris

While the dance itself can range from easy to very difficult, this dance is assigned an Advanced rating since it requires a willing female. Finding a willing female is not an easy task, especially when the male shows his dumbassery by attempting to dance.

At its most basic, the male attempts to dance while not being seen. He accomplishes this by attempting to hide behind his female companion. Despite the male's attempts at hiding, this often turns out rather humorously and only serves to highlight his predicament. For instance, Chris played football in high school and is a rather large fellow. You can imagine the sort of comical antics that can occur when he attempts to hide behind a female, who for the most part will be much smaller.

An important aspect of this dance is the male's need to inform other males that this particular female is taken. He accomplishes this by maintaining contact with her in some form at all times. The male may also visually deter other males by staring down hopeful suitors.

As for the actual dancing performed by the male, it can consist of any of the above dances. This entirely depends on a combination of the male's skill level and current distraction level. In some cases, the male may simply stand there while the female dances around him. This is actually the ideal situation for the male. However, the female may become bored if the male simply mimics a statue.

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That was your lesson for the day. I hope it was informative.

That is all.